In our daily lives, we experience a wide range of emotions throughout the day. When we find an appropriate environment, we try to express these emotions. As adults, we might say things like, “I feel very tense today,” “I’m anxious,” “I’m excited,” “I’m stressed,” “I don’t feel safe, I’m very uneasy,” “Can you show me compassion?” “Please pay attention to me, I need you,” “I’m very jealous,” “I’m not in a good mood today,” or “I’m afraid of losing you.” Adults have the language skills to articulate these sentences. However, verbal ability alone is not sufficient to express emotions. In addition, awareness of the emotions being felt is necessary.
An adult can develop emotional awareness by reflecting on their experiences and asking themselves, “What am I feeling?” Therefore, with their language skills, cognitive development, and emotional awareness, adults are typically capable of coping with their emotions independently. This, however, is not the case for children. For children, this ability becomes possible only as they grow, in line with their age and development.
As children grow, they begin to recognize emotions, understand their own feelings, and notice the emotions of others. However, even when they sense the difficulty of an emotion they are experiencing, it is still quite challenging for a child to fully understand what that emotion is, why they feel it, and express it calmly in words.
This is because emotional development is a complex process that continues from infancy to old age. A child whose emotional development is not yet complete may, for instance, scatter their toys to get their mother’s attention instead of saying, “I miss you, Mom.” In other words, children often exhibit behaviors that are perceived as negative by their family to signal the difficulty of the emotion they are feeling. They do this to be noticed as quickly as possible. Beneath the behaviors labeled as “difficult” by parents lies the unspoken message: “See me, notice me. I’m struggling.”
Therefore, children do not behave in challenging ways intentionally, deliberately, or to annoy their parents. There is always a reason or a need underlying such behavior because children cannot express their difficult emotions through words. Instead, they show their difficult emotions through challenging behaviors.
In such situations, parents should avoid interpreting these behaviors as defiance or intentional acts directed at them. Rather than reacting with anger or punishment, they should try to understand their children. These moments present an opportunity to turn a crisis into a learning experience. The healthiest approach during difficult times is to embrace your child. Saying things like, “I know you’re struggling right now. I know you need support. I know you miss me. I know you’re upset. I’m here for you,” while hugging them can help reassure and calm them. Of course, it is crucial that you remain calm yourself. Children learn how to respond to events and emotions through the way their parents approach and interact with them. A compassionate approach creates a safe space where children can express their feelings without feeling pressured.
Parents should model emotional awareness and expression for their children because emotions are an integral part of life. Every emotion has meaning, and it is entirely normal to feel them.
- Psychologist Kübra Kaya Şengül
However, talking about emotions can be challenging even for adults, and it becomes nearly impossible for a child without an appropriate role model. For this reason, children need their parents to verbalize and express the emotions experienced throughout the day. By sharing examples from your own life, such as, “I’m very tired today, I don’t have much energy,” “I had a disagreement with a colleague at work, and I’m feeling sad,” “I was assigned a task I didn’t want to do today, and I’m angry,” or “I have an important meeting tomorrow, and I’m feeling anxious,” you can help your child recognize emotions and learn how to express them.
It is essential for parents to serve as the right role models in reflecting emotions, as this plays a significant role in a child’s healthy emotional development. Children learn to express emotions like anger, excitement, happiness, or anxiety by observing how their parents handle and express these emotions. Therefore, if a parent wants to teach something to their child, they must first be able to practice it in their own life.
